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This afternoon I was in the middle of packing up the outdoor Christmas decorations, disassembling the lighted trees and complicated reindeer (hoping that I remember next year how to re-assemble them), cramming oversized bows and wreaths into new overpriced plastic storage bins...and, I kid you not, while doing this I received a Fed-Ex delivery of MORE Christmas decor for next year (I told you that I'm determined to have my house seen from space next holiday).
Suddenly, I noticed something. It was quiet. Like really, really quiet. Even the annoying yap-crazy Chihuahuas next door weren't incessantly barking. And I stood still. It was just a moment, but I stood there in my living room and listened...to nothing. In that moment there was such peace. I was calm. So, I did it again a bit later.
The two hours prior to that moment was spent doing what I normally do. What YOU normally do. Dropped the two kids off at two different places, dropped the bills off at the postoffice, then went to Trader Joe's, the pharmacy, drove by the accountant's office to find out what I need to prepare the taxes, came home to unload groceries, throw the baby's wet sheets in the washer (WHY don't those damn overnight diapers work?!), respond to email, pack Christmas boxes...We're always asking for peace and quiet, but what do we do when we have it?
It's a bit challenging to notice the quiet when trying to get as much done as you can before your noon appointment at the beauty salon. It's challenging to stand still when the kids are out of school, and under your feet.
It's challenging to enjoy the moment. Reminds me of my daughter, when she was 2 or 3 years old, and I had her enrolled in a piano class (gotta start 'em young, right, like Tiger Woods -uhhh, guess I can't use that example for a while). The radio was turned on to a classical music station (gotta build those brain cells, right?), and my daughter simply said, "I hear the violin, mommy." She was in the moment. I was not. I was distracted and "busy." But, she brought me there.
We can learn a lot from our kids. And we can learn a lot by standing still.
Next time you're home alone, try it. Sshh.
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This morning, shortly after I arrived at work, I chit chatted with a few co-workers and settled in to my work. Just before 10 a.m., I could hear my co-worker on the phone in her office. I initially thought that she was having a fun and lively conversation with someone, until I heard her say "Just tell me what happened to my baby". I went in to her office to find out if everything was okay and I could see that she was shaken up. She received a call from someone (I'm not sure if it was her grandmother or her neighbor) informing her that something had happened to the baby and that she needed to come home right away. They wouldn't tell her what happened but they said they would come to pick her up. I volunteered to drive her home instead. She was in no condition to drive.As we drove, she tried again to find out what happened to her son, but was only told that he was taken away in an ambulance and that we should go directly to the hospital. As we are driving from Century City to Sun Valley, I'm rolling through stop signs in Beverly Hills and tailgating people on the Canyon, trying to get her to her baby. She called the hospital and they wouldn't tell her anything, they just asked how long it would take her to get there. She called home one more time and realized that her mom and grandmother were both still at the house, so who went to the hospital with the baby? Oh, and there are police officers at the house. The whole time, I'm trying to reassure her that everything is going to be alright, and I believe that it will.When we arrive to the hospital, I drop her off outside of the ER, where her neighbors are waiting to take her in. I asked her if she wanted me to stay and she said yes. I found a parking space right away and by the time I got into the ER, she was in a room that I couldn't go in. I couldn't go in the room, but I could hear her and I knew what happened. The anguish in her voice was clear. Her baby was gone. She was (understandably) hysterical. Her five month old son, her only child had died. Her neighbor stepped out and explained to me what happened: Her mom keeps the baby everyday. This morning, she went into the room where the baby was sleeping on the bed and couldn't find the baby. She panicked and thought that the baby had been taken. The screams from her and the grandmother brought the neighbors over and they searched for the baby. At some point the paramedics were called, when they arrived, they found the baby under the bed. Apparently the baby must have rolled and slipped down between the bed and the wall. He suffocated. The neighbor said that they had been looking for the baby for about 20 minutes and he was already blue when they found him. Though the paramedics tried CPR and took him the hospital (where they also tried to resucitate), the doctor later informed her that he was probably gone long before he reached the hospital.I was eventually able to get into the room with her, and just sit with her and hold her and listen to her. Only her neighbors were at the hospital because the mother and grandmother had to stay at the "crime scene" and be questioned by the police. She wanted to see her baby, but because she was so emotional, they wanted to wait for a family member to arrive. We convinced her to calm down so that she could see her baby and she did. We entered the room where her baby lay. In the room was a priest and a police officer and the body of her lifeless, five month old son. If he didn't have the tube in his mouth, I would have thought he was just sleeping. In fact, I was hoping with all of my might that it was just a mistake and that he was sleeping...but he wasn't.How do you comfort a mother that has just lost her only child??? He was only five months old. We were in the office yesterday talking about what his Halloween costume was going to be. This is unimaginable, but of course I'm thinking as I'm standing there, what if that were me? What if my child's lifeless body were laying on that table? How can you not think that? He was five months old!!! It's not fair! Not only has she lost her child, but her mother was responsible for him at the time. How is that going to affect their relationship? In the car on the way, when she only had part of the story, she was asking why her mom didn't have the baby in the playpen? When she was at the hospital, she apologized to her baby for not being there. It was so heartbreaking and emotionally draining for me, so I cannot even begin to imagine her pain.So, I stayed with her for a couple of hours, until the baby's father and grandparents (from the father's side) arrived. I left with such a heavy heart and am still feeling pain for her loss. It's just not fair.
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Best watched alone. In a quite moment. With a lot of tissue.
When I first viewed this video on Oprah, I wasn't just moved to tears - it was more like one of those really unattractive, red-faced, can't catch your breath, howls from the soul. Even Oprah was rendered speechless, and you know how that woman can talk. But, at the conclusion of the video, I was able to smile.
A parents' video tribute to their baby boy, narrated and recorded by his daddy. I urge you to take just six minutes to watch it from beginning to end. Did you have a crummy week, and the weekend isn't improving it much? Have your kids frayed your very last nerve? This may help bring things into perspective, if only temporarily. A message of strength and spirituality and hope. Fortunately, sometimes it's all you need to get you through a crisis, or bout of sadness. And we've all been there.
Thank you, Baby Eliot, for giving us the gift of perspective, for reminding us to be grateful, to be present, to "live in the moment." And thank you to your mommy and daddy, for having the courage to create this video of your life, and for their generosity and compassion in sharing it with the world. We are better because of your gift.
Check out more on Baby Eliot's family (including his new baby sister!) at www.theatypicallife.com and www.ninetynineballoons.com.
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