Playground for Parents

Keep Your Mouth Shut

Heed these important words as you enroll your child in sports this year: Keep your big mouth shut. It may seem a bit harsh, but that's the most direct way I can convey my message, and hopefully save a parent's honor and self-respect...and maybe even their two front teeth.

 

Back to school also means back to the world of kid sports. Like many of us, this school year you will enroll your kid in soccer, track, softball, or maybe all of them, because he's "a natural athlete," you want to get him away from video games, or you're simply living vicariously through him and praying he doesn't suck at basketball the way you did. You're filled with anticipation and excitement. You can't wait to take his photo when he scores a goal and is MVP for the season. You plan to invite all the relatives so he has his own cheering squad. And you finally get to fulfill your dreams of being "team mom," making sure to cut up those orange slices just so. OH! There's also that little thing called sportsmanship that you hope he learns, because that victory dance he does during family game night is really annoying.

 

Those of you entering the kids sports world for the first time, I'll let you hold on to your delusion dreams.  Those of us who have been indoctrinated already, know this much to be true: as undeniably thrilling as the games are (I have NEVER screamed as loud as I do at my daughter's games, even during childbirth), and as overwhelming as our pride is in the moment of victory ("that's MY girl!"), it is the PARENTS at these sporting events who need the lesson in sportsmanship more than the kids.

 

There are two incidents that I personally experienced which will illustrate my point, and justify my rather abrasive advice to keep your mouth shut.

 

My daughter was running track, and a member of the relay team (4 runners, each person runs 100 meters, pass the baton, done). Man, I LOVE watching relay, holding my breath when they pass the baton, hoping no one drops it (and if they do, hoping it's not my kid). So, my daughter's relay team is racing against a team that they should cream, at least based on their previously recorded times. But, they don't. One of the coaches asked out loud, to no one in particular, "what happened?!" I'm wondering the same thing, but I also know that my kid did great in her leg of the race. Yes, I'm biased, but this happens to be a fact. You'll have to take my word on it. And I know that something happened between the first and second runners of our relay, because our team was already far behind when my daughter got the baton.

 

Unfortunately, one of the dads on the team interpreted my daughter's exceptional speed and contributions a little differently. He responded to the coach, in clear eyeshot and earshot of yours truly, "I'll tell you what happened..." He proceeds to point in the direction of  where my kid runs the race, makes some crazy face and a stutter-step move, kinda like running in place. "That's what happened!" He had, in that very instant, blamed my child, insinuating that she took off too slowly.

 

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. That's time moving in slow motion. You know how it is when you want to convince yourself that you didn't just hear what you heard, or see what you saw? I really tried to convince myself that I was mistaken about this dad blaming my kid for the relay team's loss, because I know that I will hold a grudge forEVER (something I need to work on, except I'm not). But, just like the relay team that day, I failed. The blood rushed to my head. My heart started beating fast. Somebody made mama bear mad.  

 

A bit dramatic just because of an ignorant comment from someone I didn't know? Perhaps. But, I'm very competitive, and I'm fiercely protective of my kids' honor and reputation. Even if it shouldn't have meant anything to me, you know - not caring what anyone else thinks, blah, blah - I got more angry when I thought of him repeating his statements of blame to other parents. If I were a woman of any less grace and dignity, there may have been a confrontation. Like the kind you've seen on tv repeatedly, of parents brawling at a game while the kids stand by and cry. Pathetic. However, based on some of the stuff I've heard, I get it now. I wouldn't do it, but I get it. Instead I chose to seethe internally, until finally the coach yelled out for all to hear, "Nina, did you see what happened?! The other team ran into our lane, and our first leg runner almost fell!" Ha! Take THAT, Mister! NOT my kid's fault. I have been VINDICATED! Sit down and shut up! OK, I'll stop.

 

This is why I say we should keep our mouths shut. You never know who is listening, who is watching, and who is reading your lips, when you talk about someone else's kid on the field. That person sitting behind you in the bleachers could be their grandparent. A very protective, still agile, retired karate champion grandparent.

 

The second experience still troubles me. Basically, a little boy lost his competition, and his parents ignored him because of it. He wasn't perfect, he didn't win, and I guess that was unacceptable. It broke my heart to witness. It troubled the other parents who witnessed it as well. He was crying and no one consoled him. I wanted to give him a hug. So, I did. However, I doubt that it did anything to remove the sting of his parents' rejection. I'm sure it will happen again, and I wish I could take that pain away, and let him know he deserves to be loved unconditionally.

 

So, in addition to keeping our mouths shut, we should also step away if we can't handle our child's failure because of our own deep-seated issues. Step away, be disappointed, then get a freakin' grip and come back and high-five your kid for his effort. Don't even tell him what he could have done differently to be better, faster, or to win. He probably already knows. And if he doesn't, surely that lecture can wait.

 

I thought I knew a lot about human behavior when I studied to become a clinical psychologist. I know a lot more now that I'm a sports mom.

 

 

Salvaging This Summer

It's the end of July, and I hang my head in shame. For at least three weeks, I have meant to get this list out to you, for inspiration and information. And for three weeks, I have instead been rounding up giveaways for the enormous Back to School Extravaganza, and hanging out with Brooke Shields. My saving grace is that hopefully you have at least one more month of summer to enjoy, and another soul can be saved from Guilty Mama Syndrome.

 

Back in June I posted an article, with the help of mommy blogger Heather, about making a list of summer family activities and projects. We make a list for everything else. It makes sense to write a goal sheet for fun stuff too. So, my eight year old created her summer wish list, we compromised and revised (no to another Disney Cruise to Bahamas, yes to a local trip to Legoland), wrote it down in pen, and finalized it with a secret handshake...

 

The problem was, we put the list somewhere and didn't look at it again for the whole next week. We lost precious time, but were not going to be defeated. Brilliantly, we wrote the activities down on a huge Hello Kitty calendar, with stickers and glitter pen, so we couldn't miss it....

 

Except, we did miss it, because the calendar was too big to hang up, so it stayed closed on my daughter's desk. Another week of plans gone poof.

 

Finally, determined to reach the end of summer and give my kid something concrete to share at show-and-tell, I wrote the list out on the family calendar. It's big as day, sitting prominently on our office wall. Now, we can't miss it unless we walk out the door with our eyes closed - at which point we'd likely run right into the calendar anyway.

 

Below are the projects and fun stuff on our list - all do-able, manageable, and economical. It really has helped to keep me in check, ensuring that our family spends time together and makes the most of time-off (trips to Target don't count, I guess). And just as important, it means less deposits to my guilt bank.

 

What were your initial summer plans, forgotten when the increasing temperatures started making you feel hot and lazy? A lemonade stand? Taking baby to the aquarium? Playing tic-tac-toe with sidewalk chalk? Write it down, calendar it, commit to it. You have a few weeks. There's still time!

 

 

Stewart Summer Camp

 

1. Movie Nights (mommy, daddy, daughter get to take turns picking their favorite flick, pop some popcorn, and call it a night. Mom will undoubtedly be choosing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - the one with Johnny Depp, of course)

2. Pajama Day (my favorite. As far as I'm concerned, there can't be too many of these on the calendar)

3. Breakfast Outside (yea. This one involves food, survival, and nature, as we attempt to battle rabid squirrels over our pancakes)

4. Cooking (preferably something involving warm chocolate)

5. Picnic (again with the food, I know. But, "food is fun")

6. Puzzle Mania (have to put my ego in my back pocket, because the kid is so much faster and better at these 300 piece Spongebob puzzles than I am - I hope I get to do the edges)

7. Game Nights (reminder of just how competitive I am, and how far I will go to SMASH them and win! Umm, while role-modeling good sportsmanship, of course)

8. Manicures (whose idea do you think this was?)

9. Beach (we live in California, a relatively short drive away from the beach, but we rarely go to the beach. I know, it should be against the law)

10. Go to the Skirball Museum (she missed the school fieldtrip because she was sick. Her parents may not be as fun as going with her entire class, but we'll be just as loud)

 

 

Best Summer Ever

I KNOW what you're doing, because I do it too - you're THINKING of all the great places to go and things to do with the kids over the summer. But, it's more likely that summer will fly by, you won't remember half the things you promised the kids, and you won't get to the other half. Guilty Mom. Again. As if we needed another reason to feel freakin' guilty. Well, honey, this summer I aim to change my wicked ways, and I'm inviting you to join me. I was recently inspired by another mommy blogger, Heather, who creates a fun to-do list of her family's summer activities. That's right, we create a to-do list for everything else. It makes perfect sense to hold ourselves accountable, by actually writing down the activites we want our kids to experience this summer. My daughter and I have now created our list, and I'll share it with you soon. Check out Heather's post below, and let her schedule inspire some fun ideas of your own.

Joining us on the Playground, GUEST BLOGGER, Heather, from www.justheather.com. Thanks for the guest post, Heather!

We are in our second week of summer vacation. Ten more weeks at home stretch ahead of us. We have no vacation plans (due to our lack of vacation fund), but the girls have declared their Best Day Ever at least 5 times so far. Sure, they fight and whine in between the best days of their lives, but I think I've finally landed on a formula for a successful summer at home. Armed with my summer fun kit, a schedule of activities and a bevy of opportunities, I attempt to entertain them in hopes of keeping the bickering at bay. My goal each year is to make our at-home summers enjoyable for the girls, but I often wish I could provide them with some of the vacations and experiences they hear about from their friends each year when school begins again. Alaskan cruises, Colorado skiing and trips to Disney World are not a part of our lifestyle. I have to get a little more creative about creating childhood memories for my girls.

Inspired by the Someday I Want project and my own 40x40 list, I enlisted the girls' help in creating a summer fun list. The list includes 50 things we would like to do before school begins. We have all contributed something to the list and we've already crossed off several items. I even allowed them to include all their vacation ideas, though I knew it was out of the budget, because I thought it would provide a good lesson for them. Just because we can't do everything we want doesn't mean we can't have fun along the way. The hard part is knowing that I wouldn't be compelled to do some of the items the girls have chosen, even with their simplicity, if they weren't written on a list. The good news is that I wrote the list. I have an odd compulsion to cross things off once they appear on a to-do list. That's the catalyst for the entire Someday project, actually.

Once you put it out there as a to-do item, the barriers to getting it done start to disappear. Before the summer fun list, I might have let the girls have a lemonade stand, but I probably wouldn't have gone out of my way to provide all the extras for their entrepreneurial dreams. Without the list, I would have never setup home pedicures in celebration of National Go Barefoot Day. I might have said no to Blendy Pens in an effort to stave off the mess. I would certainly not have dropped a near fortune (earned at a pain-in-the-rear yard sale) on a parking lot carnival.

But I couldn't be happier that I did.

 

So, what's going on YOUR summer list, mama?  Fill us in and help to inspire us too. Especially if it's cheap fun - ha!!

 

Soft as a Baby's Bottom

Ahhh, what I wouldn't give to have skin as soft, beautiful and smooth as my little one's.  I would just rub my face all day long (OK, maybe it's a good thing my skin isn't as supple). I just loved to run my finger along Munchkin's soft, perfect skin. Then at about four months, I noticed bright red skin in the creases of her legs and neck, that ultimately appeared as irritated splotches on her stomach and back. Her pediatrician diagnosed her with Dermatitis/Baby Eczema, and gave us that never-reassuring prognosis of "sometimes babies outgrow it, and others don't. It could get worse, or it could clear up within a few months."  Uhh, OK?  The doc advised us to only use hypoallergenic, non-perfumed detergents (we'd been using Dreft, and since it's marketed for babies, I assumed it's hypoallergenic. It's not. I switched to Seventh Generation), bathe her only two to three times per week (we had been bathing her daily, because it would soothe her as she became fussy near bedtime. Good thing she didn't work up a sweat during the day), and moisturize her twice per day with a heavy duty, non-fragrance ointment (this proved to be the tricky part. And the part that was most disappointing, because I wanted my baby to smell like the Johnson & Johnson's baby lotion that I loved!). I tried various ointments and lotions - Aveeno, Eucerin, Vaseline, Vitamin E - alone and in combination with each other. I felt like a home chemist.  But, despite slathering that baby up to the point where she looked like a chicken ready to be fried, her skin was still dry by morning. Ultimately, I found what proved to be a winning combination for Munchkin: Cetaphil and pure Jojoba Oil, twice per day, everyday. Dermatitis defeated! Woo-hoo! Her skin has returned to it's clear, soft, smooth condition, and I have returned to marveling at its perfection. Munchkin is only eight months old now, so I'll forgive her for not recognizing me as the Dermititis Defeating Hero that I am. I only hope that I'll be as quick to find a remedy to her teen acne in a few years.

But ointments aren't always the cure. Some of you may be still struggling to find the solution to your child's eczema. I'd like to introduce you to another mom blogger who has written some great information on this topic, from the perspective of diet/nutrition...

Joining us on the Playground, (my first!!) GUEST BLOGGER, Wendy, a personal training specialist & nutritional adviser for pregnant & postnatal women.  She's a mother of two, who is obsessed with feeding children BETTER! Wendy's blog, Feed Your Kids Better!  is a collection of advice, strategies, recipes, ideas & random ponderings of one WAHM determined to improve childrens’ sense of culinary adventure & love of REAL food.  Thanks for the guest post, Wendy!

Child with eczema? Consider food intolerances or antibiotics as the culprits, & FOOD, not creams as cure

My now 3 yo DD used to have really rough, red cheeks & patches of very dry skin on her arms & legs. Everyone would comment on her ‘lovely rosy cheeks’  but up close they were actually sore & shiny-looking… I would diligently (& very expensively!) buy the most organic, gentle creams & balms I could find, avoiding harsh soaps, & any other other chemicals. It helped, but it never cleared it up. The doctor wanted to use a steroid cream… which I couldn’t bear to put on her paper thin, delicate skin.

I figured eventually that something inside, not what was being applied on the outside, was the root of the problem, & so had her allergy tested (a strand of hair is sent to the lab, along with detailed food diary analysis). It came back with a diagnosis of ‘leaky gut syndrome’. Sounds gross doesn’t it? As for the cause, well we passed with flying colours on the ‘was she breastfed?’ ‘does she eat vegetables & essential omegas & seeds?’ & all that stuff… but then came the question ‘ has she ever had a large dose of antibiotics?’. Well yes, at around 18 months she had received a lot of antibiotics for an ear infection when we were on holiday in the US.

Turns out, this was the culprit. Antibiotics had destroyed all the bad bugs, but all the good bugs too – essential for gut & digestion health. Common allergens or digestive irritants such as dairy products & wheat, were over-working her already depleted digestive system , & the outward manifestation was eczema.

The solution was to give probiotics (prescribed by a nutritionist – not just one of those yoghurt drinks), whilst also cutting out all wheat & dairy. Within 2 DAYS her skin was clear! We carried on being strict with the diet for a month, & then relaxed a little. Ongoing, she has very little diary (no cows milk) & occasional wheat. Every other month or so, she has the probiotic powder each morning for a week to repopulate the good bacteria.

We’re lucky – she isn’t ALLERGIC (i.e. there is no terrifying or serious reaction), she is simply slightly INTOLERANT & her gut finds it hard to digest these foods in any great quantity. We know if she’s had a bit of ice cream at a party because her cheeks flare up – no big deal, just time to play by the rules again for a few days.

With so much talk of cutting out wheat & dairy & other foods, I found it interesting that it wasn’t those foods that were the CAUSE of this particular problem, but rather that they were simply irritants causing strain to an already weakened digestive system.

I’m going to post again on dairy & wheat alternatives for kids (I’ve become a bit of an expert!) & will also come back to intolerances & allergies… but for now if your little ones suffer with eczema, it might be worth looking INSIDE for the problem, rather than applying expensive balms or, worse, harsh pharmaceuticals?

Reposted with permission.

 

I Made A Mistake

 

My seven year old is still young enough to not notice, not remember, or not care when I make a mistake. I figure I have a couple more years to get away with my blunders with my ego still in tact. Ultimately, she'll reach those sweet teen years when she'll be just waiting to call me out on my crap, prove me wrong, and let me and the rest of the world know when I've made a mistake. At least that's what I've heard from the lucky parents of teenagers. Of course, I intend for my relationship with my daughter to be starkly different - we'll spend long lazy hours on her bed, flipping through fashion magazines as she tells me her secrets and dreams; we'll be best friends and she'll balance her social time between her family and her peers; she won't curse, drink, smoke, have sex...and she definitely won't tell me when I've done wrong. Hey, this is my vision, ok? Do I judge your fantasies?!

 

Alright, so that sounds more like the script of a cheesy PG-13 movie. In all honesty, I try to admit my mistakes to my kid, and immediately apologize for them.  I do this because one of my greatest wishes is that she not grow up with the immense perfectionism that guided my own life for so many years. If I can show her that I am also fallible, that nothing is perfect, and nobody knows everything (except, of course, her grandmother), then perhaps I can help her lead a more fulfilling life. I'm getting my practice in now, because regardless of how wonderful I hope our relationship continues to be, I imagine staying connected with her won't always be as straightforward as it is now.

 

Mind you, admitting my mistakes only applies to my kid. With my husband, I admit no wrong.

 

Working with a preteen or teen, and need a little guidance in this area?  Check out this article from Parenthood.com, and get to confessing, mama.  

 

 

Admitting Our Mistakes to Our Teens

by Heidi Smith Luedtke (Parenthood.com)

 

...“It is important to take responsibility for our mistakes; apologize for them; and then learn from them so we do not repeat them.” Teens’ fears of punishment, embarrassment or rejection make it hard for them to admit their mistakes, too. A deep connection with parents makes it safe for teens to admit wrong or hurtful actions and to grow from their experiences. They need to learn that making mistakes doesn’t mean they are bad, stupid or unlovable. It just means that they’re human.

Bringing Your “A” Game

The next time you miss the mark, make it right. Wait until you’ve calmed down. Then, initiate a conversation with your teen in the car or late in the evening, when he’s tuned in and ready to chat. Take a deep breath and follow these three steps for coming clean and reconnecting:

1. Lead with empathy. Take your teen’s perspective, Gorsline recommends. Say, “I bet I’m not your favorite person right now,” or “You are probably really angry with me for what I did.” This validates the teen’s feelings and shows that you understand that your actions were hurtful.

2. Think discussion, not confession.It’s easy to get wrapped up in your guilty feelings and make the conversation all about you. Don’t get sidetracked with a lengthy explanation or make excuses for what you did – these are justifications in disguise. And it doesn’t have to be an overblown, on-your-knees apology, says Riera. Directly acknowledge your error, then allow your teenager to respond.

3. Pay it forward. Talk about how you might avoid the problem in the future, says Gorsline. Ask your teen for suggestions and listen without defensiveness – or at least keep your defensiveness to yourself! Make sure that you both come away with lessons learned and an agreed-upon game plan.

As teens gain independence, parents sense their authority slipping away. Struggling to hold onto the relationship they had with their kids in the past, parents may justify bad decisions and hurtful behavior, pushing teens away in the process. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Every parenting mistake is an opportunity for re-connection with your teenager. But first you have to admit it.

 

For the complete article, see Parenthood.com

 

A Week Without TV

 

Brace yourself, and consider this fair warning: Monday, April 20th, is the beginning of TV-Turnoff Week. I thought I'd tell you about it today, to give you plenty of time to plan your activities for seven days of no television, and to catch up on all the shows recorded on your DVR. The purpose of nationwide TV-Turnoff Week is simple: to evaluate the impact that TV has in our daily lives as entertainment (yep, when I'm not on the computer), babysitter (guilty), and background noise (hey, I can't help that I get uneasy when I'm alone and it's too quiet!). The goal is to substitute TV watching with other activities (does blogging count?).

 

I'm thinking this TV-free week will be a lot easier on my kid, than on me. She's not permitted to watch TV at all on school days, and both the time and the type of program are limited during the weekend. Sometimes she must earn TV time by first reading a book. So, I feel like I'm doing pretty OK when it comes to the kid and her consumption of mass media. I, on the other hand, am an entirely different story.  A week without The Office, The Tudors, The Housewives, and old episodes of King of Queens?! I wonder what TV withdrawal looks like. I bet it looks a lot like I'll be eating more.

 

Can you do it? I dare you!  And I have a feeling there are a lot of rounds of Go Fish in your future.

 

Check out the information below from TV Turnoff Network, for more details about the purpose and goal of TV-Turnoff Week, and some interesting statistics about TV watching among children. The website also includes a long list of alternative activities for your family. Some of them are pretty hokey (go bird watching, join a choir), but the point is to decrease TV time, and increase family time. Sounds like a great goal. At least until the kids go to bed.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT TV

• Number of 30-second commercials seen in a year by an average child: 20,000
  
• Number of minutes per week that parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children: 38.5
• Number of minutes per week that the average child watches television: 1,680
• Percentage of children ages 6-17 who have TV's in their bedrooms: 50
• Percentage of day care centers that use TV during a typical day: 70
• Hours per year the average American youth spends in school: 900 hours
• Hours per year the average American youth watches television: 1500
• Percentage of Americans that regularly watch television while eating dinner: 66

 

ABOUT TV-FREE AMERICA AND THE NATIONAL TV-TURNOFF WEEK

TV-Free America is a national nonprofit organization that was founded in 1994 to raise awareness about the harmful effects of excessive television-watching and encourage Americans to reduce the amount of television that they watch--and replace TV time with activities that lead to more literate, productive lives and engaged citizenship.

National TV-Turnoff Week is the first nationwide effort which targets the medium of television and asks that people reassess the role TV plays in their daily lives as entertainer, pacifier, babysitter, time filler and background noise.

Television is generally a passive "non-activity" which often detracts from more healthy, interpersonal, productive, rewarding and community-oriented activities.

National TV-Turnoff Week is about having more fun and turning "on" your life. It's an opportunity to rediscover the wide range of activities that exist when one unplugs from the sedentary, image-based, simplistic and commercial world of television.

For more information, and a list of family activities, visit TV Turnoff Network.

 

Clean Up Your Act

 

Ahhh, spring break - a great time for vacations, "staycations,"  lazy days, playdates, family excursions, and my absolute, hands-down, favorite activity - sleeping in, because no one has to be at school at 8am.  It also just occurred to me that spring break is the perfect time for spring cleaning. Hello! Why would you commence to organizing, dumping, and cleaning all by yourself, when you have extra free labor for at least one week?!  Afterall, too much fun makes Jack an unappreciative, spoiled, messy little boy - isn't that how the saying goes?  I say mix in the spring break fun with some spring break cleaning, getting the kids involved in purging unwanted and unused belongings, and starting back to school feeling fresh and clean and free.  Are those birds I hear twirping?

 

We just had a spring yard sale, and while my daughter was reluctant to relinquish some of her toys (funny how suddenly that game she never opened and never played with became her "favorite"), she had fun putting the price stickers on items, and making sales. I had some good laughs too, like when I suddenly discovered that she wrote $3 price tags on old puzzles that were supposed to be 50 cents (the customers must've thought we were either crazy, or really, really greedy). In the end, it was a useful lesson in letting go of material things, and gaining a sense of pride from having her bedroom and playroom neat and clean.

 

Of course, we'll likely end up at Target with our yard sale proceeds, buying new stuff to replace the stuff we just sold. But, I'll worry about that next spring.

 

Does your kid's room look like something Linus from the Peanuts Gang would be living in?  Check out this article I found on Getting Kids to Clean Their Rooms. They have a full week during Spring Break to get it together. Maybe it will even last until the end of the school year. Okay, okay, at least until Mother's Day, as a gift to you, right?

 

 

GETTING KIDS TO CLEAN THEIR ROOMS

(from FamilyEducation.com)

 

Cleaning is not an intuitive skill. Nobody is born knowing how to attack a messy room and turn it to serenity. Few of us can effectively wield a broom, dust pan, or dust rag without a lesson or two—and a lot of practice. Making beds takes time. Here are some suggestions for making clean bedrooms possible, and defusing the dust bombs.

• Teach your child how to clean by incorporating him into your own cleaning.
• Cleaning can be a lonely task, and for the social child, it may feel like a punishment instead of a way to contribute to the family. Become the clean team—make the jobs go faster by working together. Your child helps you clean your areas of responsibility, you help him with his room (you're excused for a cup of afternoon tea while he hides all the pictures of the Baywatch beauties—and worse).
• Plan a special activity or adventure for the family to celebrate a successful day of cleaning. It's not really a bribe—it's a treat!
• Be clear about what you mean by “a clean room.” Check out the clean room checklist, below.

Clean? What Do You Mean?

We all know what a truly clean room looks like, but how do you get from here to there? How much of it is your child's responsibility? “Go clean your room” could mean tossing things in the closet until company has gone. It could mean clearing the toys from the floor and sorting game pieces into their boxes, throwing the dirty clothes in the hamper and pulling up the bedspread. It could mean changing the bed, dusting, and vacuuming. It could mean polishing the windows and mirror until they sparkle. Here's your choice (you're balancing on a high crag in the wind, choose now, parent, choose now!): Define, or face the conflict!

Below, I've broken down the process of cleaning a filthy bedroom into small, manageable chunks. You can use these suggestions (and others!) to create an individualized bedroom chore list for each member of the family. If this is successful for you, consider making a chore list for other areas of your home.

When you make chore lists for your child, always take your child's age and development into consideration. A five-year-old can get the books back on the shelf and the clothes in the hamper, but she won't be able to do much with the bed. A 12-year-old can do his own laundry with some supervision. Remember, your expectations will change as your child matures.

Using the list will help you define your expectations. It will help your child organize his time and remember his tasks. You'll have an easy, stress-reduced way to check if things have been done. Keep the list small. Better to have too few things on the list than too many (aim for success!)

Here are two quick hints: Separate the job into straightening and cleaning, and don't clean before you've straightened, you'll just make yourself frustrated; and, a filthy room is like an archaeological dig. You've gotta approach it in layers...  READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE AT FamilyEducation.com

 

Party Planning with a KISS

 

I probably get asked at least once per week for advice on kids' birthday parties - from where to have it, to what to do.  Obvioulsy, when I claimed that I'm your "go-to-gal," you took me seriously and decided to put my claim to the test.  Well, fine, bring it on!  I'm up for the challenge;  I'll find the answers (and when I can't find the answer, I'll just make it up). 

 

Birthday parties are an easy one for me.  Remember, I'm the crazy chick that loves planning extravagant soirees for a toddler, months in advance.  Oh, you were looking for something a bit more toned down?  Then I'll have to call in extra resources for this one:  Keisha of Chic Party Plans has some great tips for less-stress party planning, and offered to share them with my readers!

 

And for anyone debating if they should host a birthday party for their one year old, because afterall "a baby won't know what's going on, and the party is just for the adults anyway"  - the answer is YES!  Of course, it's just for the adults.  So what?!  Don't you and daddy and the grandparents of that adorable hunk of baby love deserve to be celebrated and congratulated?!  Don't you want an opportunity to show off baby's wobbly steps, bye-bye wave, and new teeth, to a crowd who cares?!  And most of all, don't you want a reason to eat cake?!  Yes, yes, and yes!

 

Some super quick tips from me (guess I couldn't resist afterall):  visit www.birthdaypartyideas.com for a whirlwind of party ideas on every theme imaginable, submitted mostly by other parents.  I've used the site several times, and found some fantastic tips.  Need a venue?  Check www.GoCityKids.com.  I posted details about this site previously.  I'm sure you were paying attention then, so I'll move on.  Designate someone ELSE to take photos of the party, because you'll be too busy answering strange requests from your guests (do you have any Sponge Bob bandaids?  Can I get a q-tip?).  Ask that someone responsible make you a plate of food to save for later - don't even think you'll get to sit down and eat during the two hours.  And you'll be as hungry as you are tired once the party is over.  Finally (and this advice is REALLY profound, so hold on tight), be in the moment.  Soak it in.  Notice your child's smile.  Be present for at least a little while, because the parties, like their lives, go by so quickly.

 

Now, on to that backup help I mentioned. Thanks Keisha!

 

 

Plan A Birthday Party and Keep Your Sanity – Yes You Can!

(from ChicPartyPlans)

 

Three years ago, I was faced with the daunting task of planning my son's first birthday.  There were so many things to consider - who to invite, what to serve, how to fill the time… oh and what to wear!  I soon found myself dazed and confused, filled with excitement and ideas, but no plan of action.  I shared my dilemma with a friend, and she gave me some of the best words of advice I’ve heard since becoming a parent, “keep it simple, he's one.”  This is advice I’ve adhered to for the past three years, advice I’ve shared with other parents and it works every time.  When planning a birthday party for a young child KISS is the golden rule - Keep It Simple and Short!

 

Keep it Small – Young children can get overwhelmed by large crowds, so keep the guest list small. Since children will be accompanied by parents who will likely stay the duration of the party, consider inviting no more than 8-12 children.  This number is also helpful when shopping for favors and party décor as these items are usually sold by the dozen.

Keep it Short – Avoid naptime and peak meltdown periods at the end of the day.  Early morning or late afternoons are literally “good times” for those in the pre-school set.  For the past three years, I’ve scheduled my son’s party to begin immediately after his nap (usually around 2 or 3PM), and his spirits and those of his little guests are generally bright and cheery.  On the invitation, I indicate that the party will run for two hours, keeping in mind that people will linger and things will usually run over.  What I’ve noticed is that listing a 2-hour party period motivates people to arrive on time.

Keep it Simple – Given two hours to celebrate, there are a few easy things you can plan to make the party run smoothly and to ensure that everyone’s enjoyment.  Remember to be flexible.  Young kids appreciate choice; therefore, there is no need to over schedule and fill every minute of the party with activities.  An easy activity that kids can do as they arrive (or whenever they choose) creates an opportunity to ease tots’ transition.  Examples of transition activities:

–         A mural for an art-themed party – place tempera paint (mixed with a little detergent to ease paint removal from clothing), brushes and smocks or large tee-shirts on a table next to a long piece of butcher paper taped to a wall or fence (works best outdoors)

–         Decorating cowboy boy hats or bandanas for a farm-themed party – use non-toxic fabric paint or foam stickers

–         A box of dress up clothes/props for a princess or tea party theme

 

Use one organized activity as a means to assemble all of the kids in one place before serving the cake.  Use the cake-cutting to signal the party’s conclusion.  Save gift-opening for the later; there is no need to make everyone (especially young children who are undoubtedly growing tired) sit through an event that is rewarding only to the receiver of the gifts.

Food and Favors – As with activities, be flexible with the food, allowing people to eat whenever they like rather than having an established meal time.  A good trick is to pre-pack kid-friendly food (e.g. mini grilled cheese, pigs in a blanket, chicken nuggets, and individual packages of graham cracker snacks or Goldfish, fruit and juice boxes) in individual lunch bags that can easily be accessed by parents whenever kids are hungry.

When it comes to favors, do your fellow parents a favor and skip all of the sweet treats.  Opt instead for a memorable keepsake that the party guests will appreciate long after the last party balloon has deflated.  A few suggestions include:

–         A fun photo opp with the birthday child (in dress up clothes or in front of a themed backdrop) placed in a custom-imprinted party frame

–         A book, small plush toy and stickers all tied to the theme of the party

–         Art supplies like crayons, paper and water colors

 

Following the tips above will ensure your kid’s bash is a big hit among the younger crowd.  And oh, regarding what to wear… something you can sit in, kneel in, bend in, run in, skip in, and most importantly, have fun in!

 

 

 

Check out www.chicpartyplans.com for more great planning tips, and creative party themes for young and old!

 

 

Boys Will Be Boys (if we let them)

You may have noticed that I often refer to girls, and princesses, and the thrilling array of shades of pink.  That's simply because I have daughters, so I'm coming from a personal frame of estrogen reference.  They are like miniature versions of me, in the way they look, they dress, their shyness (yep, you'd never know this big mouth of mine was at one time painfully, dreadfully shy).  I get to do me all over again, just hopefully a little better this time. I know from having so many friends with little boys, having a brother myself, and by just observing boys in public, that the experience of mothering boys is a lot like mothering girls in some respects, and vastly, undeniably different in other ways.  And I'm not just referring to the difference in their clothing options - haven't met a mom yet who hasn't complained about the lack of cute boys' gear.  Communication, expectations, learning styles, social habits - can all require different skills (and degrees of patience), depending on whether the stork dropped off a pink or blue bundle on your doorstep.  There's a recent article from Parenthood.com, that may shed some light on how to turn your tadpole into a prince: Ten Ways That Parents Can Help Their Sons.

Just a sidenote - stop asking my husband if he's disappointed that our new baby isn't a boy, or if he's going to try for a third kid in order to get his son (which is always asked with a polite little laugh).  He's not, and he isn't.  He's still getting the hang of one gender.  No need to overwhelm the man.  

 

I tried to include the article here, because I do try to make my readers'  lives easier.  But, apparently the computer/internet/copy & paste Gods are not willing to make my life easier today. Do click on the link I provided above, and take a minute to check out the article - I promise it is worth the read.

 

 

Run!

My local news just reported an attempted stranger abduction of a six year old boy. And that's exactly why I don't normally watch the news - too many stories about the crappy side of humanity. But, I took this as an opportunity to quiz my seven year old on stranger danger. 

 

I asked my daughter what she would do if an unknown lady approached her and asked if she wanted to go to a party (similar scenario to the one in the news). In my head, I'm thinking - say "run," please just say "I'd run!!"  My kid, who has been taught safety rules numerous times (but obviously not enough) proceeded to contort her body into some imitation Bruce Lee/arms in the air/leg bent at the knee pose, complete with a kung fu "wooo-aaaa" sound.  Sigh.  She then pretended to ask the stranger lady, "What are you talking about? Get back!"  Uhhh, cute, but sooo wrong.  I'd like to think she was just in a silly mood, and does really know what to do. In the most dramatic voice I could muster, I told my daughter that the little boy on the news was safe ONLY because he RAN when the stranger approached him.

 

When is the last time you gave your kid a pop quiz on stranger danger?

 

Do they need a review?  Sit your kid on your lap at the computer, and have them answer the questions found on the Stranger Danger Quiz.  

 

We know it's rare.  We know that statistics say that abduction and molestation are most likely to occur by someone known to the child, not a stranger.  But, we don't really care about the odds when it comes to our own child.

 

For more information on "stranger danger," tips and strategies, visit mychildsafety.net.