The Cars in the Carpool Lane

I was sitting in my 9 year old car in the carpool lane at my kid's school. When you're sitting, and waiting, it's a great time to notice your immediate surroundings. Like the inside of my car.  I took that moment to curse the fact that my car has a light beige-colored interior.  At least, it was beige once. Two kids later, it looks more like...mud. Dealers shouldn't be allowed to sell light-colored interiors to new moms who don't know any better. There should be a warning posted, just like not drinking or smoking when you're pregnant.  Anyway (how'd I get off on that tangent?!), I'm sitting there in the carpool lane at school, and I'm noticing my surroundings: there's a parent driving a new Porsche in front of me, and another driving a new Rolls Royce on the side of me.  I was able to confirm right then and there that the recession is not affecting everyone equally. So, me and my little old Benz with the mud-colored interior are trying to fit in the best we can. We've done ok so far.

 

This is our fourth year at the private school.  A school where nannies are cliche. There are families with bodyguards, and private jets, and vacation homes in overseas locations that I can't pronounce.  You've seen some of these parents in the year's hottest movies.  You probably have one of their songs rotating in your ipod.  My 8 1/2 year old has come home from a playdate on more than one occasion, coveting the fun little household extras of her friends.

 

"I want an elevator in my house like Dorian." 

 

To which I replied: "Our house is one story.  Where do you think an elevator would go?"

 

"I want an indoor swimming pool like Celeste."

 

To which I replied:  "You have one. It's called a bathtub. Now get in it."

 

Now, I can honestly say, despite the fact that Little Jane's dad can be found on Thursday night Must-See TV, and my kid's dad works a regular 9 to 5, I have never felt less-than in their presence.   The moms, with very few exception, have been down to earth and friendly and...enjoyable.  You hate to say it when the diamond on their wedding ring is the size of a gala apple, but it's true. They're mostly...nice.

 

An interesting thing that I've learned during this whole school process is this:  that my own comfort with the school environment, my own feelings of acceptance among administrators and parents, and my ability to connect and establish friendships with the parents of my child's classmates, is more important than I ever could've imagined before becoming a mom. I may not be able to give the school a donation that equates to the cost of my house, but what I have given has been valued - arranging group playdates, entertaining kids at sleepovers and taking care of them like they're my own, keeping the moms informed about local events...I have a value that is appreciated, and makes me feel just as much of that community as the family who donated the new school playground. I feel lucky, because I know of moms who don't experience the same feeling of community.  They don't invite other kids over for a playdate because they reside in an apartment instead of a home with a bowling alley.  And that saddens me. Because the kids don't care...yet.  And instead of enjoying this fleeting experience to the fullest, they are thwarted by their own insecurity. 

 

There I go again. Raising our insecurity issue in yet another post. But truly, other than that damn Mother's Guilt, is there really any other emotion/issue that gets us as discombobulated?!  Can you imagine how liberated we would feel as parents if we could let that go? Can you imagine the children we would raise?

 

I'm feeling good about my choice of school.  I'm feeling great about the friends I've made.  I'm just "getting in where I fit in."  Take me or leave me.

 

But if this darn tuition keeps going up every year as it has been, my next school-related post may be entirely different - like what the going rate for a kidney is these days, and if I should start selling my internal organs just to keep my kid in our dream school.

 

 

Comments

[Monica]

I can relate to this post on so many different levels. Thank you for posting this!

[Erin]

At least you only have one kid there...I've got 2!!! And by the time the munchkin is ready to start, you know that tuition will have increased... But all that aside, I am happy that we met and that we and our girls gave been friends over the last 4 years. Stuff like that is priceless!!!

[Erica]

I have nominated you for a beautiful blogger award!

[Unique Baby Gifts]

Your post is great. I recently graduated school and had my first child. I can totally relate to the tuition increase. Hopefully it decreases by the time my 2 year old makes it to college.

[Nicolle B.]

I can kind of relate. Our daycare is like that. We have parents pull up with Range Rovers and Porsches and then people like us (mid range) and then some with crappers that get assistance with paying for daycare. It's really strange, but I try to just worry about my kids, so I don't get caught up in what so and so has. Its hard though because we used to own a home and now we rent an apartment. I know what you are talking about with an apartment. We have small kids and with the carpet its got stains, dark stains. My house is in no way dirty the carpet just makes it look like that. I feel like I can't have my in laws over because they live in a NICE house.

[instant auto financing]

The first city that I saw having a car pool lane is Indiana. Very innovative stuff and carpooling helps cut down emission.

[car finance]

I love my car so much and I give it so much attention that I don't think there's anything new to discover. Maybe I'll try to be more perceptive and see if I'll find the same realizations as you.