My daughter's coach is dead. He was only 35 years old. Thirty-five. I hadn't even "found myself" yet at 35. And it wasn't a quick and painless death. It was brain cancer. A nasty, evil disease that in the end left him paralyzed, immobile, and unable to speak for the final few weeks of his life. Can you imagine being a kid and seeing your dad in that condition? Or being a wife and witnessing your vibrant husband decline? His brain cancer had been in remission, which is why we had the opportunity to meet him last spring during track season. That was just...five months ago. He looked fine. He was upbeat, had a warm smile, a genuinely nice guy. Best of all, he was great with those little kids. Had more patience than I could ever have. We didn't know what he knew - that he had brain cancer and it could come back any minute and take him away from his three young children. And a wife. Well, the cancer chose to come back just a month ago. A month. You know how quick a month is. Just a month ago, we were preparing our kids for the new school year. Coach Lamon was fighting for his life, and possibly preparing his kids for his death. I didn't know him well. But, this I know - that 35 is too young to die. Leaving three young children. And a wife.
As I was reflecting on the news of his passing, the memory of another parent came flooding back. She was the mom of one of my daughter's soccer teammates last year. It was the first season of soccer for both of our daughters. We were lucky if they kicked the ball without falling over. The mom was bubbly. I still remember her tickling her little boy in the grass to keep him distracted while her daughter practiced. Her daughter had autism, and the mom showed a lot of patience. She was separated from her husband, so she was doing a lot of this parenting thing on her own. During one of the Saturday games, she congratulated me on our new baby, and we talked about the delivery experience. I remember that she was easy to talk to, really nice. By the following Saturday, that mom had died in a car accident. Poof. Two little kids who REALLY needed their affectionate and nurturing mom, was gone. I can't remember her face now. But, this I know - that she was too young to die. Leaving two young children.
And now I realize that the more people that we meet and let into our lives, the more tragedy and death we are going to be exposed to. But, we don't have a choice, do we? There's no way around it, except maybe to isolate ourselves, build a bubble around us. That's not an option. Yet, I can't help but focus right now on the unfairness of it all. Why "good people" have to go. Why 35 year old fathers who contribute to other kids' lives, or young soccer moms...or my 28 year old little brother...why they don't make it as long as I have. And perverted, malicious, violent "people" - like the kind who kidnap little girls and keep them in their backyard for 18 years and do despicable things to them on a daily basis - why those people get to live until they're 80. I think we've all asked that question. Thank God my daughter hasn't asked it of me, because I surely don't have the answer.
My heart is heavy. I know this will pass. Another sports season is upon us. Another year of meeting new people, and making new friends. I can only pray that they all remain safe, for the sake of their children that need them.
RIP Coach Lamon.
oh, what a heartfelt entry. and what devastating news to hear of your coach's, Mr. Lamon, untimely passing -- along with the loss of the mom from your soccer team. the idea of their little kids, growing up without their beloved parents, is definitely heartbreaking. like you, i'm sometimes overwhelmed the losses so many people have to endure. but, as someone who lost my own parents at an early age, i did learn the value of not "wasting" time -- of not counting on another day. the hard part is living in the moment and not anticipating too much, but kids are the best reminders for that life lesson, i think. i'll say a special prayer for the two people you mentioned... and i wish you and Coach Lamon's friends and family much peace.
Posted by: Grad School Mommy | Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 09:33 AM
How terribly sad, Coach's family and friends will most certainly be in my prayers.
Posted by: Amy | Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 11:17 AM
My thoughts are with you and my prayers are with the coach's family. I hate to say that it seems to be happening a lot around us lately, but if sure feels like it with other friends that I have right now - besides the one friend you already know about. Take care! No matter what we have going on, we are blessed with what we have!
Posted by: Erin | Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 11:41 AM
I am moved to tears. The complexities of life continue to have us wondering, "Why?" One day that question will be answered. Thanks for sharing your stories and your heart. May those families who have endured such hardship find solace and peace.
Posted by: Trisha | Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 12:11 PM
Thats why we should embrace what little time we have on earth and be Thankful everyday that we get to live.
Posted by: Emil Croskey | Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 06:04 PM
I am so sorry for your losses. I know first hand how painful it is to lose friends and loved ones. Our phys ed teacher died last year while holding class had a heartattack and died while teachers administered cpr and infront of some Kindergartners.
It takes a long time to heal from something like this and it is something that will never let you forget the person.
Posted by: Winter | Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 02:30 PM