Homework for Mom

They drove my daughter to school all last year because I had a new baby. They picked her up for playdates and birthday parties, so I didn't have to take the baby out. They've called me if they've seen her on campus and she looked upset. They give me a heads-up if something is going down at the school with a particular kid, or with the administration (otherwise known as gossip, but the necessary kind). They greet my daughter with a hug and smile when they volunteer in the lunch line, and cover her cost if she didn't bring enough change for a pizza bagel. They are my spies in the classroom and on the playground, at a time when kids need to be protected more than ever. 

 

Who knew that the friends WE make at our kid's school, are about as significant as the friends our kids make?! Um, (raising hand frantically) I knew. My friendships with the moms at my daughter's school have proven invaluable, time and time again. From preschool to grade school, they have had my back. I was reminded of its importance on the first day of school, as we all hovered outside the classroom, greeting, laughing, kissing cheeks (is that an LA thing?). It feels comfortable. It feels safe. And it feels a whole lot better than the alternative - a lack of connection, the feeling that you don't belong or don't relate, that you have no one to talk to about your shared experiences at that school. Like that mom who walks by a group of parents who are smiling and laughing, and doesn't speak or look their way. I feel for that mom.

 

The moms' efforts have not gone unreciprocated. I am the mom that's called when a homework assignment isn't understood. I will run to their kid's aid if I see them hurt, or intervene if I see them treated unfairly. I plan group playdates just so the girls can hangout outside of school, and the moms can gab. And yes, I will cover the cost for that bag of Cheez-Its when I volunteer at snack time, but I will stop them before they order a hot chocolate AND a chocolate muffin simultaneously ("would your mom want you to have that much chocolate at 10am?").

 

So, why would you not make a point of building a relationship with the other school parents? Maybe you have few female friends, on purpose. Maybe you work full-time and have fewer opportunities to get acquainted with other parents. Maybe you're really shy, super busy, or simply don't care. Afterall, school is about their social development. You have all the friends you need, and even some you don't.

 

Here's a homework assignment for you, mom: make a point this school year of getting to know the mom of your child's friend. You can be choosey. Stay away from the one who acts like she needs to increase her Prozac dosage - you already have enough drama without sharing in hers. Befriend some school moms, and there's a good chance that you will improve the quality of your experience at the school, as well as your child's. Who knows, you may even create a friend for life.

 

Comments

[Stacy]

Wow! This one really spoke to me. I'm that mom on the outside, the one that isn't hugging and cheek kissing all of the other moms. I'm like this for several reasons, one, because I'm a single parent that works full time. I don't really see these parents except on a rare occasion. Two, I'm shy. You wouldn't know it if you already know me, but outside of my comfort zone, I am extremely shy. Heck, I can be shy sometimes right smack in the middle of my comfort zone. It's not unheard of to find me sitting just outside of a circle of my friends at a gathering, looking lonely. LOL! I giggled when I typed that because it's sad but true. Anyway, I'm fortunate enough to have had pre-existing friendships with a few of the parents at my daughters school, so I have been able to benefit from the call when my daughter is spotted at school looking like something is wrong or the last minute school pickup because I can't make it in time, or the loan for milk because we forgot to pack a juice box.

I know that my anti-social behavior effects my daughter because I won't allow her to spend the night at her classmate's house because I'm not familiar with their parent(s). I have been working on it, but it's tough, working full time AND I only have my daughter on alternating weekends (which leaves even less time for "meet the parents"). If an opportunity to hang out with friends that I already know and love arises on the same weekend that we're invited to a schoolmate's function...guess where we'll be? I know. I know. Like I said, I'm working on it.

Phew...that was a long one! LOL!!

[Erin]

I am sitting waiting for my car to get serviced, and couldn't help but smile! For those of you following this blog, I'm the mom who calls her when my kid isn't sure about homework instructions and when I see her oldest at school when she's upset. I am crazy busy, and do sometimes just walk by (even by the moms who don't need Prozac), but I agree that some of the friends who I trust, rely on, and call first for various things are the moms of my daughter's (and son's) friends! You figure that you are going to be spending time with these women for 3-14 years depending on the school...take advantage and enrich your life and your children's lives! I believe that I will be friends with some forever!!!

[Tamara B.]

So perfectly written and so true! I have met some really wonderful parents through my children's school and am blessed to have them in my life.

[VBB]

Hail to the School Mamas!! Our family has had a tough time this year, but words can't express and it brings tears to my eyes how thankful and blessed I am to have those mamas on my team!! How deep do these connections go...well recently I received medical treatment at no charge because she heard that I was in extreme pain and have no medical insurance... father was ill, well another one stepped up to drive my child to school...If I know a mother is going to be out of town, I offer to drive... we all need to help each other out because life these days is not easy!!

[Melissa]

Hmm... I never thought about all those benefits. I'm going to go make some friends! Thanks for the advice.

[Michelle]

Oh amen. It's hard sometimes though when you're the new mom and the others have been together for years. We're at a new school that has a preschool and most moms have been there for years with other children and curren children. But fortunately, they are also fairly kind, so we're making our way! I'm completely on board with you and making friends with the other moms!