What's a Tampon?

 

"What's a tampon?" my daughter asked, as we walked out of a public bathroom. Obviously, she'd read the sign in the stall.

 

She's eight years old. Of course, she can read.  And I'm here to tell you that "reading is (NOT) fundamental." Reading is dangerous and risky and scary. Do not teach your children to read. Don't let them watch tv, go to school, or make friends. And definitely don't let them near a computer. Once they learn to read, it opens up a whole new line of brain numbing questions, like "what does f*** mean?" while pointing to a billboard marked by graffiti in big bold letters. Escape as quickly as you can to an isolated home in the mountains. And don't pack any books with you.

 

Oh, you want to know my response to her question: I told her that a tampon is "something adults use." I know, you're amazed at my profound ability to efficiently answer an unexpected puberty-related question. This was almost as good as when she recently asked, "How does a baby get IN the stomach?"  You recall that fiasco, right? The tampon question was much easier, and I redeemed myself with a clear, concise, age-appropriate answer later that evening. I can handle talking about hormones and maturation. I'm just not ready for those physical changes to actually happen. I promise to find a sufficient answer to the babies question by the end of summer. Need just a little longer to procrastinate. 

 

Besides being inadequate, my initial response about tampons wasn't even accurate. They aren't only used by adults. Teens use tampons, maybe even middle-schoolers? And though nine year olds are hopefully only using maxi-pads, their age group is reaching puberty and menstruation now more than ever before. Theories abound as to why puberty is happening younger and younger, from blame being placed on hormones in our food, to soy, to childhood obesity. Whatever the reason, I may only have one year before I'm walking my kid down the feminine hygiene aisle, searching for a product brilliantly marketed to teens. Oh...my...God.

 

I have to end this now, and go pack for the mountains. That's not going to stop her period from coming, obviously. But maybe it will stop other things, like...babies IN the stomach.

 

 

 

Comments

[Michelle]

Yikes. Hey, when you head off to the mountains, can you take Little Miss with you? I'm soooo not ready for that. Eesh! Nine, really? I was 12 1/2 (and one day).

* Just come with me and we'll start a commune! ;-) Nina

[Erin]

I am in the same boat with you...K has started developing (and she's only 3+ months older than your 8-year-old) and she does cheerleading. So if her period starts, I will have serious issues that I'M not ready for...let alone her!