To Wean or Not to Wean

 

Funny how my detailed plans in raising my kids seem so realistic in theory. But, at least half the time, that plan is shot to hell once real life enters the equation. I'm either in denial, or stupid determined, because I continue trying to plan out their future in my methodical manner. I guess obsessive-compulsive disorder dies hard.

 

Baby is almost ten months now, and I am faced with a breastfeeding dilemma. The plan was to nurse her until one year, just as I did her sister. No one will be able to say that she got anything less than the first kid. Start them out on equal footing, so to speak, even if baby already has fewer photos (everyone told me that would happen). If she turns out to be a serial killer, it won't be because I didn't nurse her and get all her vaccinations.

 

But, now I need to take a medication that isn't safe to use while nursing. Don't worry, it's not anything life-threatening. I'll still host all those giveaways for you to enter (yea, I know what you were thinking). My 12-month nursing plan is being challenged. Do I just tough it out and wait two short months, continuing (as we so often do) to sacrifice my own comfort for the sake of my child? Do I wean her now, and have her drink formula for two short months? Do I wean her now and start her on cow's milk?

 

I believe in nursing, but I'm not a die-hard. Mamas make different choices for different reasons, and I respect that. Well, unless maybe it's someone nursing an eight year old. But I have such freakishly high standards for myself. When I set a goal, I get pretty entrenched. You call it anal. I call it...focused (just trying to be positive). So, if I said that I'll nurse for 12 months, then doing less makes me feel like I have failed.

 

If I give her formula at all, I will likely feel guilty, as if it's totally acceptable for others but not for me. God forbid someone should witness me giving my baby formula, and not know of the many months I endured engorgement that felt like my skin was going to split open, stabbing milk let-down, and the fear of leakage during a morning meeting.

 

If I wean now, could I go straight to cow's milk or soy milk instead of formula before 12 months? Some moms have said no, pointing to risk of allergies as one reason; another mom said that she introduced cow's milk at nine months and baby was just fine.

 

If I continue to nurse and wait another two months, I risk my condition worsening. It won't affect my overall health, but will be very aggravating.

 

And the funny part is, whatever decision I make about weaning, whether now or in two months, and regardless of how challenging and toe-curling painful the nursing was at times, I know I'll still miss it when it's over.

 

I'm considering my baby's needs, but also my own, and that's all mixed in with a big cup of perfectionism, and too many tablespoons of guilt. The end result? My brain feels like a blended jar of Earth's Best peas.

 

What would you do?

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Stacy]

YOU know the saying..."If mama's not happy, then NOBODY'S happy"! You have, have, have to take care of yourself. I think that's what you would tell someone else in your situation. In the whole scheme of things, the two months won't negatively affect the Munchkin. Not at all. I think if you do what's best for you (taking your medication), then your automatically doing what's best for the little ones. :-) That's my humble opinion. I applaud you for strictly nursing for as long as you have. I think my ten months, I was only nursing at night. But then again, I don't know...that was 8 or 9 years ago! :-)

*Stacy: Thanks for the insight and advice, mama! I do realize that the two months won't negatively affect her if I switch to formula. It's all about the darn PRIDE! ;-)
Nina

[Kim]

Definitely, you need to take care of yourself because if you're not at 100%, it makes it very difficult to be there for all of your family's needs. I was in the same situation, wanting to nurse my second for as long as my first but my son got sick and ended up in the hospital. I was the one to stay with him so my daughter's nursing got cut short before I was ready. Anyway, I'm pretty sure we went straight to all baby food with cow's milk here and there and she did just fine. Good luck with your decision, I know it's a tough one.

* Kim: There's comfort in knowing others have been through it, which is the whole purpose of sharing stories through the blog! Thank you for commenting!
Nina

[Sheree]

Be a cow and milk yourself for a week straight--you always brag about your milk production, anyway. Maybe you can compromise and she gets breast milk for another month, but from the freezer.

I'd go with almond milk (if she's not allergic). I'm having second thoughts on consuming large quantities of soy.

But you always make the right choices...stop freaking out.

* LOL. For those who may be wondering, Sheree is a good friend. And can be just as sarcastic as me. OK, actually more. "Being a cow" sounds just SO appealing. Right. Nina

[Tia]

OMG! I feel like you are writing about me! I have three kids, all of which I breastfed. I am still nursing the third. I have had different experiences with all three but with the first two, I went from breastmilk or formula to rice milk as it has the same consistency as breast milk and is sweet like breast milk as well. One refused to drink regular milk and the other was allergic. I would love to chat more, please feel free to email me as I'm not comfortable telling all of the internet world some of the things I would like to share with you. Most importantly however, is that you have to do what works best for you. Look forward to talking to you.

* Thanks, Tia. Is that kinda like when you go to church and you swear the preacher is talking right to YOU?! ;-) Rice milk is an interesting option. You mean I'm the only one spreading my business across the blogosphere? I'll email you and we'll chat until our faces turn blue, all about the fascinating topic of boobies and mother's milk! ;-)
Nina

[Erin]

For both of my kids, nature made me stop nursing before I would have liked. K stopped at 5 months and B stopped at 4. Both times, my milk just stopped coming in. What I did to make me feel better, and to make the transition easier on them was I made the decision to continue pumping as long as I could and start out slow. 1/4 of the bottle was formula and the rest was breast milk. Then it went half and half, to 3/4 formula, until it was all formula. It will all be okay...and so will you!

[adiaha]

I would so re-think cow's milk and soy milk. Soy is mostly GMO and it is not as beneficial as we think it is for our children. It is a great estrogen replacement for older women but what about developing children who really do not need the extra boost of female hormones. Wonder why more and more girls look 25 at 15? Don't get me started on cow's milk and how unclean it is....Rice milk is a good option, so is almond milk. You can also make milk with Quinoa. Feel free to email me and we can chat...Good Luck Oh, wait just checked the date you probably already made a decision.

[Shannon]

I haven't read all of your responses yet so forgive me if I am being repetitive...but your health is just as important as your baby's and two months in the scheme of things isn't much. I would take the meds and give the baby milk.

I know it can be agonizing to know just what's right...we recently discussed this on another forum I visit. Apparently goat milk is a great alternative to breast milk and mimics human milk way more closely than cow milk does. If you want more info on that let me know!

[Stefany]

I can't even tell you what I would do. I FF my first kiddo and he is fine... perfectly fine. But, for some strange reason, I have this undying NEED to breastfeed baby girl for as long as possible. I started with a short goal, moved it up and then again. I am shooting for a year now (we have had a ton of problems) but realistically know that when that times comes, I will likely be a mess of emotions and feel all sorts of guilt about stopping. I honestly hope she self-weans. It will still get to me but not like I am doing the hurting to her.

Regardless, I hope you have made a choice you feel comfortable with. Remember, in a few short months this decision will be long gone and you can move on to hundreds of others we make as mommies.

[Texan Mama]

Okay, seriously, think about the airplane: Put on your own oxygen mask before putting your child's on them.

You need to take care of YOURSELF first. This is very counter intuitive with our natural mothering instincts. However, If you are suffering for two more months, how good of a caretaker will you be for your two children?

And, the formula thing, you need to get past it. You will never be able to do everything equal for both children so stop expecting yourself. YOu're just setting yourself up for failure and that is a recipe for falling into depression! Formula is FINE. No, it's not as good as breastmilk. But, could there be some compromise? Like, start now pumping a whole lot, and then when you go on your medication you could give your baby at least ONE bottle of pumped breastmilk a day until she's one? Then she will still be getting breastmilk until she's one year old (even if you're supplementing with formula.) Breastfed until one doesn't mean EXCLUSIVELY BREASTFED until one.

If you are questioning yourself about this, think about the other areas: Does your family eat 100% organic? Do you completely shelter your children from all PG-13 commercials and bad language? If you're like me, you do your best but sometimes you just have to do as good as you can. Perfection is an unattainable goal as parents. So, just figure out your personal best, and consider being flexible as that definition changes over the years.

GOOD LUCK!