How "Sweet" It Is: Breastfeeding an Eight Year Old

  

 

Despite all the many wonderful, sentimental, flowers-in-the-cornfield ways that we jointly share this motherhood journey, there are several issues that continue to divide.  You thought things got ugly between the democrats and the republicans this past year?  Even those debates can't compete with the tense discussions that often occur between moms.  Each side has its own research studies, proof that they are doing the right thing (and you're doing it wrong). Spankers vs time-outers.  Private schoolers vs. public schoolers.  Formula feeders vs. breastfeeders.  

This latter group, the breastfeeders, have their own little private war that frequently receives media attention: when is a child too old to breastfeed?

We are fixated on answering that question, with moms and "experts" struggling to put a limit on the acceptable age at which to nurse. Is it morally, ethically, publicly, scientifically, socially, acceptable to nurse a child up to age one year?  Two years?  Four?  I nursed my firstborn for 12 months, stopping only because I kept getting sick.  Felt like she was sucking the antibodies right out of me.  I was too nervous to take any cold remedy that would ease my discomfort, so I would suffer in silence (at least that's the way I remember it. My husband would probably disagree).  So, at one year, I was ready to wean, and introduce my daughter to mama cow.  If I hadn't frequently gotten sick, I may have nursed a couple months more. I am currently nursing a six month old.  And if she continues not to bite me with her two tiny, but very sharp teeth, I will attempt to nurse her for at least the same amount of time that I nursed her big sister (fair is fair).

So, how do you feel when a child reaches the ripe age of...eight, and they continue to nurse?  No one can deny that it's one very big kid up under mommy's sweater and stretched across the length of the sofa.  It's not a scene many of us are accustomed to.  And what's outside of our norm, makes us uncomfortable.  But, aside from the rarity of it, I think there are important questions to ask.  Is the child still getting any nutrients at this point?  Does that even matter if she's still bonding with her mom?  Is this more about mom's internal need for affection and dependence?  And why do we care?

 

Apparently a lot of people care, over 14 million people to be exact, about mom Veronika Robinson - as they've watched her on Youtube while she nurses her eight year old daughter, Eliza.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the debate rages on, with no signs of lessening.  I've got another one - what about four year old's with pacifiers?

 

* UPDATE ON MY NURSING GOAL:  Yea, I'm rethinking this 12 month goal, and not just because I'm eager to sleep on my stomach again. Check out my confusion here (and feel free to leave a wise word):  To Wean or Not To Wean

 

 

 

This post is dedicated to my nursing friend, Melissa!

 

 

 

Comments

[Tammy]

As a breast feeding advocate, this, in my opinion, is walking the line of being exploitive and irresponsible. As the mother of an 8 and 4 year old, I can guarantee you that an 8 year old who needs to breastfeed for comfort, needs help in other ways as well.

[Harriet]

OUCH!

[Christine]

The antibodies in breastfood have such proven benefits that even adults with compromised immuned systems drink breastmilk as a part of their health treatment. They however have to get donated breast milk from milk banks. Maybe the mom can pump it and put it in a cup for the 8 year old. I sure hope that 2nd grader is super healthy for all this drama his mama is going through.

[Janelle]

I guess everyone is welcome to do what they want but I will not be breastfeeding my children at that age.

[Melissa]

I know a woman who breastfed one of her children, a daughter, until age 8. That child is now a teenager. She is an extremely well-adjusted, intelligent, lovely young girl. No adverse affects there. She wasn't special needs in any way. There wasn't anything out of the norm going on with her. She just needed her mom in that way and her mom was happy to oblige. (She was still nursing younger children as well and had plenty of milk to go around)

Historically the worldwide weaning age is actually 7 YEARS old. The US and other more western countries bring the "real" weaning age down to 4 years old. But that's still about 3 years longer than most people nurse their children here. We have a rather skewed version of what is "normal" when you take into account the rest of the world.

In many cultures baby teeth are referred to as "milk teeth". Meaning when the adult teeth start coming in the child is old enough to wean. Until then, they breastfeed.

[The Mother]

Ah, more in the war of breastfeeding. Because it's not enough that we have to battle the outside world. No, we have to go after each other.

That said, I do frown on the potential harm in that weird relationship between an eight year old and her mom. Seems like there's a psychological issue involved.

All four of my kids weaned themselves. They just had better things to do, when they realized that there was a wider world out there.

And pacifiers? Steal them at 6 months. After that they're a habit. A bad habit. And big orthodontist bills.

[Lori Z.]

I dig pacifiers, but my daughter has a friend who turned four as of Jan. 30th this year and really, I want to rip the darn thing out of her mouth. I'm all for pacifiers as a soothing technique, hey, sometimes we moms NEED a bit of quiet, but there is a point where you need to teach self soothing!

As for breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, obviously there's benefits to breastmilk, but as long as you're doing what's best for your child, even if you are giving up breastmilk in favor of better environmental factors (baby likes to bite and mom needs to not be bloody--my son actually drew blood on several occasions) it's all good. Except nursing at the breast at that age, really weird. Does she follow her to school?

[Jenn aka Future Mama]

What a great, helpful, informative blog! I don't have kids yet but I hear these debates a lot and I actually ask a lot of women who have been through childbearing some of these same questions. I'm not sure yet if I'll breastfeed, I'm pretty sure I will but I also understand it doesn't work out for everyone. I don't plan to make anyone feel bad for not doing what I'm doing, and I also don't plan to breastfeed a 7 year old! haha

[Nina]

Thanks for the compliment, Jenn! This blog is a true "labor of love" - the 72 hour, no epidural, kind of labor! lol - But, my baby nonetheless. You're right, breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone (some kids don't latch, milk supply too low...), and isn't for everyone. And either is co-sleeping, returning to work, etcetera. You'll get a lot of unsolicited advice on EVERYthing. In the end, do what feels right to you, your body, and your spirit. Best to you on your quest for motherhood. BRILLIANT to get a lot of your questions answered in advance! More than most of us do! Betcha you'll still be amazed at how much there is still to know once the little critter gets here. But somehow, you'll figure it out the best you can.
Hope you'll keep checking out the blog!

[Renée aka Mekhismom]

I think that breastfeeding an 8 year old is crossing the line. Did you see that report on extreme parenting - they covered orgasmic birth, extended bf'ing and reborn babies. It was very interesting.

[Nina]

"Reborn babies?!" Renee, every time we think we've heard it all, we're bound to hear/read something that tops it!!

[The Redhead Riter]

I nursed my daughter for 18 months. Lovely experience. We bonded. She was healthy. The end.

This woman nursing until the child is 8 is sick. She obviously rather do that than have a conversation with her children to help them mature and grow. I think that is poor mothering. She obviously wants them to need her that bad. Well, guess what, I want my daughter to need me, but I am not going to keep her in the house 24/7 in order to do it now that she is 16.

That was really upsetting. Some people are so strange.

Sorry if I offend anyone, but Wow, I hardly know what to say.

[kaye]

to each his own, is all i can say. if the mother feels that it's okay to breastfeed until 8, then who are we to judge her, right? i, myself, would NOT breastfeed that long, but those are her own daughters. she knows what's best for them.

[Helen]

I have a friend who was given such a hard time for breasfeeding her daughter aged two. I stopped breastfeeding at 1 year the first time as I got pregnant and 3 months the 2nd time as I was feeding twins. That being said, I think it is perfectly acceptable to feed a 2 year old or older, if you feel so inclined. But an 8 year old? To be honest, it doesn't seem right but if it feels right for her, then I find it hard to question another parent's judgement when that child seems happy. I've seen this programme about this particular mother on British TV and the kids are articulate, happy, nice children who will no doubt face(d) abuse from others as a result of the emerging story...it is that which is wrong. That being said, I cannot watch the clip again because I was horrified watching it the first time. It's my natural reaction which I can't change. I do feel that as mothers, we need to help our children grow up and I don't see that BF at this age will do anything other than stunt her maturity but I have no basis for this, it is all speculation.
Pacifiers...no opinion except that I worry for the little 'uns teeth.

[Jeannie]

I breastfed all three of my kids. They all weaned themselves and it was a non-issue for me. It makes me uncomfortable to hear about an 8 year old still breastfeeding, but that might be my problem, not theirs.

If it works for you, and isn't illegal or immoral, go for it. Who am I to judge???

[beth aka confusedhomemaker]

yah, i've seen this before. this has more to do with psychology than breastfeeding IMO. i also think type of thing is put out there to make it seem like anyone who breastfeeds beyond 1 is going to continue until their kid is in college.

happy SITS day:)

[Amanda @ Serenity Now]

I think that just opens the door to some weird psychological issues with mom and kid. Imagine what those kids' friends would say if they found out!!! They'd be complete outcasts. The world norm may be until "7 years old," as one person said, but many of those countries don't have access to the nutrition that we have here in the States.

I ended up having to pump with both of my girls for 6/7 months, and then I had to stop b/c I was spending my whole day attached to a machine and my kids were becoming increasingly mobile. ;) I think breast milk is best for BABIES...there's no reason to do when you're 8 years old. That mom must have some issues going on.

Happy SITS Day, btw.

[Cher]

this looks like an episode out of Desperate Housewives.... I don't know...a year is good. Beyond two...that's just crazy. Happy SITS day!

[Amanda]

I know everyone does their own thing and I am accepting of blurry lines...but WHOA! My stomach just turned. My daughter is 10 months and I am beyond happy I nursed her...but an 8 year old???????

[Ungirdled Passion]

I really think when they're old enough to open the fridge READ the word "milk" on the bottle and pour it themselves you really don't need to be breastfeeding them any more. At least that's my criteria!

[Teri]

I think 8 it a little too old. I think 2 is a little too old, but that is a lot more acceptable to me than 8. However, pacifiers and 4 years olds is tougher. I never thought I'd let my daughter keep hers so long. She'll be 4 in Oct. Only uses at night, but we both know it needs to go. Dreading those first few nights....

[Laura]

This is one thing I can't agree with. It is just too creepy.

[Kristy M.]

This is such a touchy subject. IMO I could never breastfeed that long or at least not latched onto my breast. If my child need the breastmilk I would pump it.

I could really only watch about a minute of the clip before I paused it. I'm just not comfortable to see that, but it's not illegal so I would say to look away. As long as the children are happy.

I didn't breastfeed very long with my 1st child, maybe around 3 months, but plan to work it out with my next born (Sept 27, 2009). I plan to breastfeed for at least 12 months but who knows how long it will be only baby and me will know the true time frame. and I believe that would be the case here.

[Sadie's Mom]

Ummm... I think breastfeeding is a great thing. But when the kid is old enough to ask for a breast, it's getting to be a bit much. It's even more ridiculous when the kid can get up, make his/her own micowaveable meal, pour some milk, and clean up afterwards.

[TR Hughes]

I agree with Amanda,"if the child can read the word milk and pour a glass..." I believe this is ridiculous and the woman should really get some serious psych help...now, if she lived in an aboriginal tribe, maybe, but she doesn't.

[Rhiannon]

YIKES. 8? I saw a British boy breastfeeding at 13, no joke. This is too bizarre. When I feel awkward watching the video you know something is a litle off! Happy Sits Day nevertheless!! xo

[Reluctant Housewife]

To be honest I don't like the idea of breast feeding a child that old. I have two boys, ages 4 and 7 and I can't imagine!

I did breastfeed both my boys and they weaned at around 10 or 11 months. I would have breastfed longer but they lost interest (maybe I was producing less milk? I don't know why, really). If they hadn't self-weaned, I don't think I would have breastfed beyond around 18 months or 2 years at the most, probably.

[Susan]

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't have children so I'm not positive if my opinion will change, but I'm not supportive of it at that age....

Happy SITS day :)

[B.o.B.]

8 is ridiculous. i have no kids but 8 just seems completely insane. give that kid a juice box for the love of god.

[Type A Mommy]

Gosh...I'm kind of speechless. I do think it's odd, but who am I to judge?

[Scrappy Girl]

I think 8 is too old...just my opinion.

[Tonya]

To me it's just creepy!

[Michelle]

I just weaned my 3 1/2 year old. I say to each his own. If you want to nurse your 8 year old, that's your deal. I think it's kind of weird, but I'm sure many many thought nursing my 3 year old was weird. I'm hear to tell you, it wasnt. It felt completley normal and wonderful, like nursing my baby.

I don't think we should judge women. Everyone must be getting something out of it.

the antibodies don't go away, nor does the bonding.

go for it.

[SmittenbyBritain]

This is timely. Dr. Phil aired a show yesterday on a woman who is breastfeeding her eight year old. I don't agree with it and I think I'll stop there because it creeps me out.

[Sandy]

Gracious, I'm practically at a loss for words. While I don't argue the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding, I don't think it's socially healthy for an eight-year old to be doing it. However, if this were a case of starving or dying, that would be another story.

[Rebecca Lippett (aka La Bell Mere UK)]

Bizarro! Sorry but it's just odd! The very thought of having a baby hanging off my booby fills me with dread (although I'm sure my day will come!!) but an 8 year old!!! Eurgh!

Happy SITS day!!

Bec xxx

[Jori]

I've nursed all my kids beyond one, but never beyond two. There comes a point when they are coming up to me and SAYING, "I want some boob juice!" that means it's time to wean.

[brandy]

I'm sorry but if your child is old enough to eat solid food (& I'm not talking baby food) then they are too old to breastfeed. It's supposed to SUSTAIN & NOURISH them, which they can do perfectly well without the boob at 8 yrs old.

To me that's just creepy.

[Robbie S. Redmon, LPC]

Hurt! Happy SITS Day!

[Jen, buried with children]

what an interesting discussion. I don't really know how I feel about this to be honest. I just know that it is not for me.

[Kris]

Wow!!!! That is unheard of and un-imagineable!! Some serious psychological stuff going on there...on all parts!

[John Deere Mom]

Oh my. There are no words. Can you just imagine that 8 year old on the playground at school? I mean, come on. Kids are cruel. What if the other kids found out? Social.outcast. Blick. I feel all icky now.

[Jessica - This is Worthwhile]

I pretty much agree with what some others had to say:

I breastfed all my son. He weaned himself and it was a non-issue for me. It makes me uncomfortable to hear about an 8 year old still breastfeeding, but that might be my problem, not theirs.

If it works for you, and isn't illegal or immoral, go for it. Who am I to judge???

[Atlanta]

I... just. Really? I cant even think about that. I breast fed both of my kids, untill 12 months. Maybe almost 13 months for my daughter. And then I gave them a sippy cup with milk in it. I just dont see any needed reason to breast feed an 8 year old. It just has to be damaging. My son is 7 and if he was still sucking on my ta-tas I think that would be waaay innapropriate. I mean really, dont people go to jail for that kind of stuff? *shudders* And does the girl have FRIENDS? Cause they have to think that this is wacked out. We were at the zoo once and this 5 year old boy ran up to his mom, sat next to her on a stone wall and lifted her shirt, and drank away. now in my opinion, if a kid is old enough to run around, and go to the kitchen and POUR their own glass of milk, then prorbably they dont need to be breastfeeding. Just sayin.

[zeemaid]

wow. I don't think it's harmful. I just think it's weird. I can't imagine having my now 6 year old continue to want to suck on my breast. Mind you... I could barely stand to breastfeed as long as I did because of biting and discomfort. I was really really glad when I had my breasts back to myself again and couldn't imagine still having to do it.

[Cathy]

Call me old-fashioned, but we should not allow ourselves to have an "anything goes" lifestyle and throw common sense out the window! If she can't draw the line with her own 8 year old, can she be trusted around other children? It's one thing to have common sense, and quite another to live your life as if you are living on the dark side of the moon!

[Kimberly]

I'm a huge advocate for breastfeeding as long as the mother is able but breastfeeding until the child is 8 years old IMO is pushing it!

Just like any child, once they are able to drink from a cup, feed themselves and get the proper nutrition in other ways there is no need to formula feed or breastfeed.

[Amber]

I'm going to admit first thatI am not a mother. this being the case I still think kids should be breastfed, but I think when they get that old it's pushing it. If a parent is still wanting to give their child breasmilk at that age maybe pumping would be more comfy for all?

[Camille]

I think there are serious social retributions for a child breastfeeding at that age. Although, I guess it saves the mom money for school lunch... :)

[Amy]

Wow, 8 and breastfeeding? I think that is a bit crazy. I think psychologically it creates a dependence on the mother where the child should be learning independence. I wish I could have breastfed my son. He refused to because while he was in the hospital they gave him a bottle, and he never wanted to go back... other reasons too, but that is my main complaint. I admire any woman who can breast feed, and think that it is an amazing tool our bodies provide us with.